“I Didn’t Raise You That Way”

Why Parents Love This Ridiculous Phrase (And Why It’s Time to Retire It)

The past in the mirror. The future on the horizon. I left home at 19 — the rest was mine to build.

There are few sentences more absurd, dismissive, and, let’s be honest — downright comical than when a parent says, “I didn’t raise you that way.”

I was 43 years old the last time my mom said it. My dad’s dropped it on me, too. And every single time it hits the air, I can’t help but shake my head and think, Really? We’re still doing this?

Quick reality check: I left home at 19. Since then? Well, I enlisted in the Army, spent two years stationed in South Korea, got into the United States Military Academy, graduated as a Second Lieutenant, and led a scout platoon through combat in Iraq. After that came years flying around the country as an aide to a general, commanding units, and eventually, being medically retired due to combat-related PTSD.

Oh, and in the years that followed? I lived in multiple states. Earned three master’s degrees. Navigated war zones, civilian life, therapy sessions, and just about every challenge life can throw at a person.

So when a parent who’s been in the same house since 1978, with the same routine, the same neighborhood, the same everything , pulls out “I didn’t raise you that way,” I have to ask: What exactly are you taking credit for here?