Are You Really Listening?
How to Truly Support Someone with Mental Health Issues
By R. T. Garner
The Power of Truly Listening
Mental health awareness is at an all-time high, but many people still struggle with how to support loved ones facing challenges. Listening seems simple, yet truly hearing and understanding someone battling depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions is an art — one that requires patience, empathy, and self-awareness.
When someone opens up about their mental health struggles, our instinct is often to reassure them, to fix the problem, or to make them feel better. But what if that’s not what they need? What if the best support we can offer is not advice, but deep, genuine listening?
Join Your True Direction as we dive into what it truly means to listen, the common mistakes people make, and how to become a better ally for those struggling with mental health.
A Story of Feeling Unheard
“I told them I was struggling. They told me to ‘stay positive.’ I said I felt like I was drowning. They said ‘everyone feels like that sometimes.’ That’s when I realized — they weren’t really listening.”
For those battling depression, anxiety, or trauma, opening up about their struggles can be incredibly difficult. When they finally do, the way people respond can either help them feel validated and supported or make them retreat further into isolation.
Many well-meaning people unintentionally minimize, dismiss, or invalidate the feelings of someone in pain. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward becoming a better listener and supporter.
The Difference Between Hearing and Listening
Hearing is passive — you register the words being spoken. Listening, however, is active — it requires full engagement, comprehension, and empathy.
Key Differences Between Hearing and Listening:
Hearing | Listening.
Passive process |Active engagement.
Responding automatically | Thoughtful, intentional responses.
Waiting for your turn to speak | Processing what the other person is saying.
Offering quick fixes | Providing emotional validation.
True listening is not just about processing words but also about understanding emotions, recognizing unspoken pain, and responding in a way that makes the other person feel seen and heard.
Why People Struggle to Truly Listen
Even with the best intentions, many people find it difficult to truly listen because:
• They feel uncomfortable with emotions — They try to “fix” the problem instead of sitting with the discomfort.
• They want to be helpful but don’t know how — They believe advice is the best way to offer support.
• They unintentionally make it about themselves — Instead of listening, they start sharing their own experiences.
Overcoming these tendencies is key to becoming a more compassionate supporter.
What NOT to Say to Someone Battling Mental Health Issues
Even if said with good intentions, certain phrases can be incredibly harmful:
• “Just be positive.” → Invalidates real pain.
• “It could be worse.” → Minimizes their struggle.
• “You should try exercising/eating better/etc.” → Sounds like blame rather than support.
• “Everyone feels like this sometimes.” → Dismisses their unique experience.
Instead, use phrases that validate:
✔ “That sounds really tough, I’m here for you.”
✔ “I don’t have all the answers, but I want to support you.”
How to Truly Support Someone Without Making It About You
1. Avoid comparing struggles. Saying “I’ve been through worse” is not helpful.
2. Resist the urge to fix. Sometimes, just listening is enough.
3. Follow their lead. If they want to talk, listen. If they need space, respect it.
Supporting Someone Without Burning Yourself Out
Caring for someone with mental health struggles can be emotionally exhausting. To help sustainably:
• Set boundaries on your availability.
• Prioritize your own mental health.
• Seek support from a therapist or trusted friend if needed.
When to Encourage Professional Help
Sometimes, professional intervention is necessary. If someone:
• Talks about self-harm or suicidal thoughts
• Is unable to function in daily life
• Shows extreme mood swings or withdrawal
It may be time to gently encourage seeking help. Offer to help them find a therapist or call a support hotline together.
Resources for Further Learning & Support
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (US)
• Books: “The Gift of Therapy” by Irvin D. Yalom
Becoming a True Ally in Mental Health Support
True listening is a skill that requires practice, self-awareness, and patience. By learning to listen without judgment, validate without dismissing, and support without overwhelming ourselves, we can make a real difference in the lives of those struggling with mental health.
Being there for someone isn’t about having the right words — it’s about being present, understanding, and truly hearing them.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
- What is the best way to respond to someone struggling with depression?
Acknowledge their pain, listen without judgment, and offer support without pushing solutions.
2. How can I avoid saying the wrong thing?
Stick to validating statements like, “That sounds hard, I’m here for you,” instead of offering advice or minimizing their feelings.
3. What if I don’t know what to say?
That’s okay. Simply saying, “I don’t know what to say, but I care about you,” can be powerful.
4. How do I encourage someone to seek therapy?
Gently express concern, provide resources, and offer to support them in finding help.
5. Can listening really make a difference?
Yes. Feeling heard and validated can reduce feelings of isolation and hopelessness.
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